What Goes Around
by TellingXSecrets
Summary: First fic Kakuzu had always thought himself completely sound of mind - that is until he died. See how the murder of one man sent the Zombie brother's after-lives into mayhem. Changed title and summary
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: Clearly, I do not own anything.

(This fanfiction is, for the most part, purely humor. Anyone who reads this is welcomed to review.)

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The last thing on Kakuzu's mind when he died was Hidan - he could honestly care less about the rather annoying 'immortal'. Maybe he died - ha, so much for being immortal. Kakuzu knew he himself could die, he wasn't invincible. Actually, he could recall a few times when he had almost died. It was merely luck that he had survived. Well, skill had a part in such occasions as well. Kakuzu wasn't weak in any sense of the word - he had lived long enough to hone his shinobi skills to an effecient level and quite a few shinobi had found that out the hard way.

None of that mattered, however. Kakuzu was dead...

So why was he standing again? Where he died, no less. Kakuzu scanned the area finding no one else around, not even his own body lying on the ground. Maybe he wasn't dead?

"Yes, you're dead." The voice wasn't familiar.

Kakuzu didn't say anything as he turned toward the un-familiar voice. The former Akatsuki member's eyes visbly widened as the figure came fully into his vision. White robe. Blonde hair. Sandals. Golden aura. Halo. Wings. No.

"You have - "

"Got to be kidding me?"

"Why are you - "

"Here?"

Kakuzu bristled. "Stop before you -"

"Piss me off?" Kakuzu simply stared at the supposed creature of myth before him. Why was an angel visiting him? He had never been a religious man. Ever. So why was there a 'heavenly' messanger standing before him? More importantly, why was it taunting him? Weren't angels supposed to be kind or some junk like that?

"Alright," Kakuzu sighed as he put a hand on his hip, "you're certainly not bringing me to heaven. Why are you here?"

The stranger smiled, revealing amazingly white teeth. "Do you want redemption?" Kakuzu literally laughed out loud - something he didn't do often. He honestly didn't care what he got. He was already dead.

"Not particularly." The answer was honest enough. It was better than saying 'hell no'. Kakuzu watched as the angel's smile didn't falter and felt uneasiness settle in his middle. Oh Lord, (no pun intended).

"Ah, I should have known you would have said something like that." The almost too beautiful creature put it's hands on it's hips, almost seeming to mock Kakuzu. "But it doesn't matter. The question wasn't actually a question - I only asked for amusement." The angel allowed Kakuzu to frown before continuing.

"You see, I'm pretty much forcing you to earn your way to heaven." The angel's voice was filled with a demanding tone and Kakuzu found himself not liking it all too well.

"Uh huh. What if I refuse?" The angel laughed and pulled it's arms to his sides.

"I don't think you understand - you have no choice in this. You have to."

Kakuzu glared. "Or what? You'll send me to eternal damnation? I don't care." The angel seemed frustrated by the remark, but conitnued anyway.

"It'll be far worse than that, I'm afraid." The angel's smile had completely faded and itls eyes had narrowed considerably. Kakuzu somehow knew there would probably be no more refusals or speaking of them. Great. Why couldn't he had just died and be left alone?

"Say I believe your threat," Kakuzu started as his hands fell to his sides. "What then?"

The angel smiled, "Come here."

Kakuzu simply stood where he was. "What?" What kind of response was that? The angel laughed, no, giggled more like, and started walking toward the dead shinobi.

"Eh, I expected too much." With that, the two dissapeared.

Kakuzu stared into a sea of blackness. Then, after a moment to register where he was, realized the so called sea was actually the shadow of trees in a forest. It was dark - eerily dark. Kakuzu turned around and was blinded by his new found 'friend's' glowing body. Great, now he couldn't see at all... "Where are we?"

The angel smiled, or Kakuzu thought it smiled, and pointed at a large, rubble filled hole. What the hell was it?

"That doesn't answer my question." Kakuzu said rather irritably.

"Oh, I forgot that you didn't know where your partner was buried." The angel laughed and turned toward the large crater. "He's down there, in pieces, but he's down there."

Kakuzu finally realized after a few moments what the angel was talking about. Oh. Hidan, his partner. Ugh...why did they have to find him? The guy was completely annoying. "Oh, right. Why are we here? To dig him up?"

The angel nodded. "Yep. But don't worry, you can't lift anything, so you don't have to help."

"Wasn't going to." Kakuzu mumbled. The angel sighed and turned toward the crater again. In the blink of an eye, every single piece of rock was gone. Kakuzu had to look twice to believe what had happened. Things just kept getting stranger. "Is..he down there?" Kakuzu asked while staring down the hole. He couldn't see anything.

"No you asshole." Came a reply. Kakuzu spun around to see Hidan standing right behind him. Great. He was back. Could Kakuzu not get rid of him in even the afterlife? That was somehow not fair on so many levels. Kakuzu's anger dispelled however when he noticed curiously that his partner was not in pieces. He wasn't even dirty. Kakuzu then decided to give himself a look. He was wearing his normal gear as well, even the mask and headband. Why hadn't he noticed that before?

"Let's go over this once," the angel, which Kakuzu almost had forgotten about, interrupted. "You are both dead - "

"I can't die." Hidan said in an 'as-a-matter-of-factly' voice. The angel laughed warmly at the shinobi's words and simply continued.

"You are both _dead_ and are currently redeeming yourselves. This journey is difficult, and you have to comply with what you're asked to do. If not, well, let's just say you won't like what happens if you refuse." The smile on the glowing figure's face almost sent a shiver down the two ninjas spines, but they wouldn't admit it out-loud.

"So.." Hidan began as he crossed his arms over his chest, "We're like, paying for what we've done in life?" The angel nodded and Hidan laughed loudly, holding his middle and trying not to fall over. "That's probably the funniest thing I've ever heard! We're supposed to 'redeem' ourselves? That's too damn funny."

"You know, I thought you would get on my nerves when I met you, but I actually like you." Hidan cocked an eyebrow at the angel's laughing voice. "You're halarious."

"What?" Hidan hissed as he reached for his - wait, he had no weapons on him. Oh right, he had dropped them earlier...Damn.

"You don't have your weapons. Even if you had them on you, they would have been taken away."

"No shit, I figured my weapons weren't with me when I coudln't find 'em." Hidan snorted. What was with this thing? Or, person...Hidan honestly couldn't tell if it was a woman or a man. "But seriously, I can't die."

The angel smiled patiently and started walking toward the light haired man. Hidan took a couple of steps back, bumping into Kakuzu, who was lost in thought. The two automatically looked at each other and glared. Kakuzu shoved his 'partner' away, his glare never faltering. "Watch yourself, Hidan,"

"You're dead," the angel interupted and Hidan turned around to see a rather beautiful face _very_ close to his. Hidan noticed that the creature looked more like a man - Hidan hated to say it, but a very beautiful man, even prettier than Itachi - than a woman. "See? I can put my hand right through you and you don't even feel it."

The words barely registered as he looked down at his middle and saw that a rather perfect hand had been sent through his middle. What the..? He didn't feel anything - and more importantly, there was no blood! No feeling, nothing. "..How.."

"You're dead, darling." The angel smiled again as Hidan looked up at the creature, horrified. Hidan had never felt so lost in all of his life - of course, this was the after-life...

"But, lord Jashin...and..." The angel clicked it's tongue and shook it's head, almost as if the being was trying to calm the clearly shocked ninja.

"Lord Jashin is merely a god for the living; when you aren't able to make your sacrifices for a certain amount of time, he rejects you." The angel's tone of voice was neither mocking nor respectful, it sounded like it was just relaying a fact. It seemed to wait for a response as it removed it's hand from Hidan's middle. Hidan blinked a couple of times and realized what the angel had just said. How dare this..._thing_ insult lord Jashin like that? Jashin was not so...so...He just wasn't like that!

"Bull shit! You don't know what the hell you're talking about," Hidan backed away as he clenched his fists tightly to his sides. "Lord Jashin wouldn't - "

"Abandon you?"

"No! He - "

"Knows how much you respected and adored him?"

"Yeah, so you - "

"Don't know what the hell you're talking about?"

Kakuzu watched the strange conversation and could only chuckle to himself. Hidan was such an idiot. Kakuzu watched a little while longer before realizing something - it seemed that the angel was being _nicer_ - for lack of a better word - to Hidan than it was to Kakuzu. Not that anything like that mattered, it was just...something strange. Kakuzu quickly came to the conclusion, as he watched his partner and the bright creature start and finish sentences, that the angel was merely handling Hidan differently. The guy was flat out crazy.

"So there." Hidan finished. Everyone was silent for a few moments before Kakuzu busted out laughing - it was sad how stupid his partner was. The angel merely smiled and shook it's head. Hidan cocked an eyebrow and looked at Kakuzu. "What.." Realization dawned on him, and Kakuzu could literally see his eyes brighten. Kakuzu thought he was going to hurt himself from laughing so hard...

"Damnit to hell!" Hidan cursed as he glared at the angel. "You tricked me! What kind of angel are you?!" The angel laughed softly and sighed.

"Don't blame me," was all it said as it shrugged. Hidan felt his anger peak and he was tempted to attack - "I wouldn't do that if I were you, darling."

"Why the hell are you calling me darling, anyway?" Hidan growled. He had never been called anything like that... The angel smiled kindly and shook it's head.

"Why not? Maybe that's what you need; some kindness."

Kakuzu didn't want to go there, so he interrupted. "Alright, what is it that you want us to do?" The angel looked at the older shinobi, it's smile never fading. Kakuzu frowned. This thing was too creepy...

"You're mission," Kakuzu didn't like the way it used the word mission, it was like it was mocking them for being ninjas, "is to see fit that Sarutobi Asuma's child is born safely."

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(This story is not about religion, it's about paying for what you've done. I just loved the idea of those two watching over Kurenai when it came to me one morning as I woke up. Ha ha. I am in no way trying to be insulting to any religion whatsoever - I believe in God. XD I hope I kept everyone in character. See you next chapter, hopefully!)

(P.S. Please review! I would love you forever. XD)


	2. Chapter 2

(I would like to thank everyone who reviewed and or put this story on alert or on their favorites. Thank you so much. I honestly was shocked; I thought no one would really read a story like this. About the way Kakuzu treats Hidan..well, that's just me. I enjoy writing arguments; it's like my fix. Again, it's for humor purposes. Don't worry, though, they won't all ways be at each other's throats.)

Disclaimer: Seriously, nothing is mine. Well, the angel I made up but nothing else is mine. :) :(

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Kakuzu would have had some reaction if he could only remember who Sarutobi Asuma was. The dead ninja felt a frown pull his lips downward as he racked his brain for an answer. It sounded so familiar...

"Ha! You mean that brat's 'sensei'? The guy with the goat lookin' beard?" Hidan's loud, and to Kakuzu obnoxious, voice made itself present in Kakuzu's ears. Kakuzu then remembered who the guy was - the cash cow. It had all been a big waste, too; Kakuzu didn't get to cash in for the body.

"Why him?" Kakuzu asked, happy to see that he had stopped Hidan from speaking. The brat was _loud_. A smirk lay smugly on Kakuzu's face as Hidan gave him a nasty look.

The angel didn't seem amused, however, as it spoke. "Because you destroyed the chance of a baby ever meeting it's father - so now you have to make sure the child is safe." Hidan rolled his eyes and pulled his arms over his head to stretch.

"How old is this brat?" The angel laughed and shook it's head.

"I thought I've told you; the _kid_ isn't born yet." Everything was quiet as the angel and Kakuzu let the information process in Hidan's brain. When realization hit, a loud 'what' berated anything that had ears that was in a ten mile radius.

"So we have to watch over some woman?"

Kakuzu couldn't resist. "No, Hidan, somehow a man became pregnant..."

Hidan was clearly getting tired of Kakuzu taunting him; the hellish glare on his face was a huge indication. Kakuzu, however, really didn't care too much. Hidan was only tolerable during battle - the two ninja were a perfect match when it came to combat. There was no doubt in Kakuzu's mind that Hidan was an exceptional fighter. The rest of the time they were together, however, was filled with verbal taunts and the occasional phsyical contact. The two didn't exactly get along. Kakuzu recalled with a sigh the first time the two had actually met; _that_ was a meeting to remember...

"Come now, boys," the angel's voice rang through the air like a bell, causing Kakuzu and Hidan to stop whatever they were doing. "Let's not get off subject." The bright figure smiled as the two glared in it's direction.

"What the hell are we supposed to do? If we can't touch anything, how the fuck are we supposed to keep this little shit 'safe'?" Hidan literally spat out the last part - he clearly wasn't happy with the assignment given. Kakuzu didn't say anything as he continued to stare at the angel; but, even without words to show it, the shinobi didn't seem all too happy about the perdicament either.

The angel's smile only grew wider, and if possible, warmer. "I don't know; you'll have to figure that out for youselves." The two shinobi's shoulder's sank as the words left the celestial mouth. What the hell did that mean..? "I'll be watching. Keep me amused, alright?" With that, the creature of light dissapeared in a flash of what seemed like lightning.

Kakuzu felt his head turn toward his partner, realizing with a frown that Hidan had mirrored the action. What were they going to do now? They didn't even know what this woman looked like; hell, they didn't even know her _name_.

"Where the _fuck_ are we supposed to look first?" Hidan literally shouted. Kakuzu, after flinching away from his partner, stopped himself from smacking the hell out of Hidan.

"First, stop being so loud," he paused as he rubbed his ears, "second, let me do all the thinking." Hidan mumbled something under his breath, but Kakuzu didn't care to hear it. Where could they even start?

"Hidan, do you know where we are?" Kakuzu hoped that the silver-haired man would know their present location somehow.

"The brat said something about his family's fucking land or something." Kakuzu rolled his eyes. Wow. That was just a fountain of information.

"Hidan," Kakuzu growled.

Hidan growled right back. "Kakuzu, don't _even_ start bitching at me; unless you _want_ another pretty set of stitches." Kakuzu sighed and pulled his hand over his face. This was getting them nowhere.

"Wait," Hidan said with a little bit of excitement. "All we have to do is find the brat! The village shouldn't be too far from here." Kakuzu perked up at the seemingly good idea and looked at Hidan with slight enthusiasm.

"And _surely_ the kid knows where this woman is," Kakuzu continued. Hidan nodded and the two smirked. _Now_ they were getting somewhere.

..Well, first they had to find the village, find the brat, then follow him until he met up with said woman. Still, it was better than just standing in the middle of nowhere talking. Besides, the village couldn't be too far off...

"...Kakuzu?" Hidan said as the two approached their second hour of walking. Kakuzu decided to ignore the younger man. An argument was something he didn't need at that moment. "Kakuzu? Hello? Are you deaf in you old age? I know you can hear me. Answer me, damnit!"

Kakuzu spun around just in time to ram into his shorter companion. Hidan hissed in pain as he held his head and took a step back. "Yo, what are you made of, rock?" Kakuzu simply unleashed a rather unpleasant glare upon Hidan, who only glared back. "You're _not_ scary. You _think_ you are, but you're not. Well, you're pretty ugly, but not scary..."

Kakuzu felt his eye twitch. The kid was driving him insane - it had never been this bad before. Maybe because this time they were dead? Even though that barely made any sense, Kakuzu believed that to be the answer he was looking for. Yep. Hidan was much more annoying in the after-life.

"Hidan, be careful..." Kakuzu warned. Hidan laughed and put his hands on his hips.

"Or I'll die? Shit, I'm already dead!"

Kakuzu quietly stared down at his partner. There were no words to describe how much he wished he could kill him. Kakuzu stopped his violent thoughts for a moment to realize that they were much more violent that usual. What was wrong with him? Usually he could control his anger - Hidan wasn't even being that annoying. (The guy could up it up quite a bit before Kakuzu's breaking point.) So why did Kakuzu feel so angry? Maybe it was the fact that he was dead. No one wanted to die. It was a natural reaction. Anger was Kakuzu's reaction to death - not shock, not sadness. Anger. It made perfect sense.

Which, for reasons unknown to himself, made Kakuzu wonder how Hidan was taking the whole ordeal. He eyed the younger man curiously. Hidan noticed the taller man's stare and his bright, magenta eyes widened slightly.

"What? Why aren't you glaring anymore? What the hell?" Hidan's voice was laced with worry. Kakuzu still couldn't read his partner - it didn't matter all that much to Kakuzu how Hidan felt about the whole thing, it was just something he was suddenly curious about.

"Kakuzu! What the fuck are you staring at?" The younger man's voice seemed to squeak. Kakuzu's eyes widened. Hidan just squeaked? There was something wrong. True, Hidan's voice wasn't the lowest, but Kakuzu had never heard it sound like _that_ before.

So, to further the reaction, Kakuzu crossed his arms and intensified his curious stare; cocking his head to the side slightly for added effect. Hidan literally stepped back and held up his hands defensively. Kakuzu found the whole thing entertaining.

"Kakuzu, stop. Either say something or stop fucking looking at me like that." Hidan's eyes narrowed, but there wasn't exactly any threat in them. Kakuzu had never seen Hidan act that way. It was almost un-nerving. Maybe Hidan didn't like the idea of being dead? Or maybe he had 'died' so many times before his body - or lack thereof - couldn't handle it. How strange.

"Hidan, calm down." Kakuzu almost laughed. "You're over-reacting."

Hidan glared and clenched his jaws together. "You're such a bastard! Freaking me out on purpose like that. Ass-hole!" Kakuzu felt his eyebrows lift in surprise; he had freaked him out?

"How, may I ask, did I freak you out?" Kakuzu couldn't see how. Sure, staring at someone was slightly un-nerving, but not exactly something that sent terror into someone. Unless, of course, Itachi was the one staring at you. _That _was understandable.

Hidan growled and whipped his head to the side, glaring at the ground. "Nevermind. Let's just find the damned village." Hidan began walking off, and Kakuzu simply followed.

The trip was quiet; until that is Hidan actually saw the village's protective walls. The tall structure actually made the two happy. No more walking through dark wilderness - the occasional creepy deer stalking them, the strange noises from unknown places; it was a strange place indeed.

"Oh, thank you lord Jashin!" Hidan cheered as he walked up to the tall structure and pressed his face to it. Kakuzu sighed and realized with slight fascination that he was actually tired from walking. If they couldn't touch anything, how could they feel anything? Kakuzu had a bad feeling about what was to come...

Hidan's happy figure looked back at Kakuzu and frowned. "What? Let's just get this over with. The brat can't be that hard to find..."

Kakuzu simply nodded. Shortly after, the two easily scaled the wall and felt their mouths gape open at the sight before them. "Shit.." Kakuzu heard himself say as he continued to stare.

Every Fall in Konoha, there was a festival - the citizens celebrated the changing of colors in the trees. It was an annual thing that was done _every _year which lasted exactly one week. Booths were set up with games for children, every shop was decorated in lights at night and people were wearing masks. It was great fun...

Unless you were Kakuzu or Hidan. How were they supposed to find anyone in this mess..? The two looked at each other with wide eyes.

"..Kakuzu.." Hidan started as one of his eyes twitched. Kakuzu simply sighed and nodded. There was no need in responding with words; the two had a huge task ahead of them...

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(I know that it being Fall is probably not right, but it'll be fine. If it's a problem, I apologize - but I don't see the harm in it. I hope to see you again next chapter.)


	3. Chapter 3

(Thank you who reviewed and those of you who have merely read what I have so far.)

Disclaimer: I do not own _Naruto_ or any of it's characters.

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The silence between Kakuzu and Hidan continued for at least another five minutes. How were they going to possibly find anyone in the mess before them? There was honestly no way; they could wait until the festival - or whatever it was - was over and search _then_. Kakuzu actually considered doing just that until he noticed Hidan was already headed down toward the bustling village.

"Hidan!" Kakuzu whispered loudly, (funny contradiction). He then realized with slight embarrassment that no one could probably hear them; there was no _need_ to whisper. The younger man turned his head back, an annoyed look on his face.

"_What_?" Hidan hissed. Kakuzu was surprised by the venom in his voice, but continued as if he didn't even notice.

"_Wait_; we don't even know where to start." Kakuzu caught up with his partner so he didn't have to speak so loud. Being paranoid only came with being a ninja - even after death. Hidan sighed and pulled a hand over his head.

"Kakuzu, _no one can fucking see us_." The silver haired man turned back around and began moving away from his taller partner. Kakuzu grabbed one of Hidan's arms and yanked him back. The brat was going to listen.

"Hidan, if we're going to do this right, we have to think about what our next move is. The last thing we need is to waste time." Kakuzu let go of Hidan's pale arm and waited for some reaction. There was sure to be a cussing coming his way - not that he was actually fazed by any of that.

Kakuzu, however, was fazed by the smile of Hidan's face. Why was he smiling? It wasn't even that crazy grin that one could see on his face when he was 'sacrificing' for lord Jashin. Kakuzu cocked an eyebrow as he continued to stare at the younger man. "Hidan, _what_ are you smiling at?"

Hidan didn't say anything. He was just stood there smiling. Kakuzu looked around nervously. What the hell? "Hidan...you're trying my patience." What little patience Kakuzu had left, that is.

"Kakuzu," Hidan started, "fuck you." With that, Hidan successfully pulled Kakuzu off of the wall and spiraling toward the ground below. The little shit had caught him off guard! Kakuzu landed safely and whipped his head upwards toward Hidan, who was no where to be seen. What the..?

Kakuzu barely dodged a quick kick to his head - Hidan was actually attacking him? "Hidan, this is hardly the time or - "

"Shut the fuck up," Hidan howled as he landed on his feet. "I've been itching to fight! For Jashin's sake, I've been cooped up in a hole in pieces for who knows how the fuck long! C'mon, you know you wanna." Kakuzu was literally at a loss for words. The kid was serious. Kakuzu thought about the situation for a moment, only finding that he himself actually wanted nothing more than to beat something bloody. Hidan had no idea what he had gotten himself into.

"Alright," Kakuzu said with a smirk, "let's make this quick." Kakuzu almost couldn't believe he was actually complying with his crazy partner's request for a fight. It was ridiculous! As Hidan charged toward Kakuzu, however, Kakuzu couldn't help _but _tooblige.

Kakuzu blocked another kick to his face by crouching low to the ground. Hidan landed behind him and reared his arm back, readying himself to punch Kakuzu in the the back of the head before the older man could defend himself. Kakuzu, smirk still in place, quickly averted the younger man's fist by simply moving his head, he then grabbed his partner's fist. Hidan cursed under his breath as he was literally thrown back toward the massive wall they had just removed themselves from. Kakuzu wasn't even out of breath; probably because he wasn't moving around as muchas Hidan was. The kid had so much energy...a little too much as far as Kakuzu was concerned.

"Hey, hey, hey! That's not fair, fat ass! Throwing me like I'm nothing." Hidan pumped his fist in the air - Kakuzu _was_ larger than him, and he didn't think it was fair that he took advantage of that. Ass hole...

Kakuzu didn't think the comment was so fitting, however. Fat ass? How dare the little shit. Kakuzu didn't even say anything back - he simply charged. Hidan grinned and readied himself for the on-coming attack.

"Ha! Charging like a bull? You're just proving my point!" Was Kakuzu an idiot? He was actually charging. HIdan easily dodged the larger man by jumping _over_ him. The silver haired man's cat like reflexes allowed his body to catch itself with no problem. "Kakuzu, that was..."

Hidan's words were cut off by Kakuzu's arm meeting the young man's neck. Kakuzu allowed Hidan to fly into the ground with a loud thud. Damn that hurt..."Hidan, don't ever call me that again..." Kakuzu said as he stood over the coughing Hidan. Hidan grinned as blood ran through his teeth - a sight not so uncommon - and let out a cough before speaking.

"_Fat. Ass._"

Kakuzu kicked the younger man in the ribs as hard as he could. Little shit. Hidan balled up and - all the while laughing - hugged his hurting side. "K-Kakuzu! You should have seen the look on your _face_!" The laughing grew louder and Kakuzu couldn't help but crack a smile. Hopefully Hidan didn't see it.

"Get up." Kakuzu said lowly. They had their fun - even though it was extremely short - and now they could get back to what was 'important'. Kakuzu turned and started toward the village. After a few moments, he turned around. "Hidan, I swear if you don't get up…"

"Hey! If you'd wait a minute I could." The young man grunted as he stood, still holding his side. "You kick like a fucking mule, you know that?" Kakuzu sighed and turned back around. One question: why?

"Once we enter the village, we are only looking for the brat, understood?"

Hidan's response sounded distracted, "Uh huh." Kakuzu didn't really think anything of it, however, until a sharp intake of breath reached his ears. He turned and stared at Hidan until the younger shinobi looked back at him. "If you wouldn't have fuckin' kicked me so fuckin' hard, then maybe I wouldn't be so fuckin' slow!"

"You're actually injured?" For some reason the information surprised him. Usually an injury didn't really bother Hidan too bad. "I thought you enjoyed pain."

Hidan gave his partner a dry look. "..Don't even get me started." The pale man again began poking his side gently, ignoring Kakuzu. Great. Kakuzu's fat ass leg had broken his ribs. "But seriously, why'd you kick me so fuckin' hard? I mean, there was no point!"

Kakuzu snorted; the brat would heal up soon and stop complaining. At least that's how it worked out before.

The two had found themselves in a nice, dark alley way, staring into the bright crowd. Children were everywhere, people were moving constantly. It was a mess. Kakuzu looked back at Hidan, who had stopped his moaning, and noticed he had his eyes set on something. Kakuzu looked back at the crowd, then back to Hidan. "Do you see him?"

Hidan nodded. "Yeah, I see the little fucker." Hidan began walking into the street when something jumped in front of him. The two men literally yelped - very uncharacteristic of them - and waited to see who or what it was. It was a member of Konoha's Anbu…shit.

The man was looking down the alley way - right through Kakuzu and Hidan. He seemed satisfied with what he saw and disappeared. Hidan let out the breath he was holding and Kakuzu absently grabbed his chest. That was honestly scary.

"I'd kick his ass if I could…"

"But you can't." Kakuzu stood beside Hidan and peered into the crowd. "Where do you see him?" Hidan stepped out of the alley way and pointed at a figure with his back to the two former Akatsuki members. Sure enough, it was the brat. He had the same hair, pulled up high and that damned vest. It was him alright. How many people wore their hair like that?

Hidan grinned. "Now all we have to do is follow him."

Kakuzu nodded, just as much determination in his eyes as his partner. "And the sooner we do find that woman, the sooner we can get this over with."

The two headed into the street and noticed quickly that bumping into people was not a problem. They could just walk through them. Hidan found it entertaining - could he possess people like he had heard in stories? If he could, damn that would be fun! Kakuzu quickly noticed a change in behavior however and pulled his partner along. Hidan pouted and followed obediently. He'd try his theory later…

"Hidan, don't do anything _stupid_." Kakuzu warned as they grew closer and closer to their target. Hidan growled and shrugged off his partner's dark hand.

"Shut the hell up! I know, I know." Hidan looked up and grinned. "If I could only kill him…" He cut off as the figure turned around. The two dead ninja stared blankly at what they saw. It wasn't the brat..? What the hell?

The man standing before them was older than the brat - darker skin, maybe a little bit taller and the most noticeable thing about him was the huge scar that ran horizontally across his nose. This was _not_ the brat.

Hidan was the first to speak. "Uh…what the fuck?" Kakuzu didn't say anything, but he was thinking the exact same thing.

"Iruka-sensei!" A loud and slightly familiar voice shouted from behind. All three men looked in the direction of the voice and saw a young blonde haired man dressed in orange. Kakuzu's eyes narrowed. It was the nine tails brat…

The man named Iruka smiled and greeted the kid back. Kakuzu and Hidan sighed in defeat and hung their heads low. They should have known it would not have been _that_ easy to find the brat.

* * *

(Am I the only one who thinks Shikamaru and Iruka look alike? I'm just saying there's a little bit of resemblance there. Well, let me correct myself, when Shikamaru gets older he looks like Iruka. I dunno, I just thought it was funny.)


	4. Chapter 4

(On with chapter four, I think? Yeah. Sorry for the delay, but I've been trying to go on ahead and right more chapters before putting up another one. I don't think y'all would mind that, right? Enjoy.)

Disclaimer: I do not own _Naruto_ or any of it's character's.

After two hours of searching the - rather crowded - streets of Konoha, Kakuzu and Hidan decided to take a short break.

Hidan sat down on the nearest bench and let out a short sigh. "_Shit_ this is impossible," he paused and placed his chin in his hands, his elbows resting on his knees. "How are we supposed to find anyone in this fucking mess?"

Kakuzu simply frowned as he stared down at his partner's sitting form. There were so many places the boy could be. He could be at home, or miles away on a mission. Kakuzu had a sneaking suspicion he was at home, however. Where it came from he had no idea. The suspicion, even while being shaky, led to an idea.

"Hidan, let's go to the Hokage's office." Kakuzu turned toward - what he thought - was the middle of the village. Hidan cocked an eyebrow, but other than that didn't move.

"Why?" Hidan was tired of walking over such a happy place - what was there to be happy about? None of these people believed in lord Jashin, so in Hidan's mind, there _was _nothing to be happy about.

Also, his old, senile, crazy partner was telling him to take a stroll to the Hokage's office; which, by the way, was probably a _long_ walk. A _long_ walk through the happy crowd who clearly had nothing to _be_ happy about. It almost made him want to attack something. Hidan waited as patiently as he could for an explanation. When Kakuzu simply started to walk off without him, however, Hidan realized he was ignored and allowed an aggravated noise to escape his throat - which he made as loud as humanly possible.

"Hidan," Kakuzu hissed as soon as the younger man was quiet. "What the _fuck_ was that?"

Hidan stood and stomped his way to his partner's form. Kakuzu noticed the rather pissed off look on his face and frowned. Great. Just what he needed…

"You ignored me, you fucking ass hole!" Hidan's stomping stopped when he reached his destination right in front of Kakuzu. The shorter ninja's anger only grew when his partner side stepped and began walking again. "Hey, hey! What the fuck, man?! Seriously."

Kakuzu had decided to ignore his partner for argument's sake. But no. His partner was too much of a _child_ to know anything about that.

"Hidan, ever stop to think that the reason I ignore is because you never actually say anything?"

There was absolutely no sound for what seemed like a good five minutes. Kakuzu thought it was all over blown, but didn't say anything. He waited patiently as Hidan's anger formed into words.

"You fucking bastard! You're such a piece of shit, you know that? I can't believe I've stayed with you for this long! I should've just killed you the moment I say you - "

"You? Kill me? That's a good one, Hidan." Kakuzu knew Hidan was supposedly immortal, but the little shit couldn't _kill_ him. There was no way. Too much of an experience gap.

"What the fuck does that mean?!" Hidan screeched. Kakuzu was surprised - the kid was actually upset. Of course, Hidan was easily upset - or, angered. He was crazy, after-all, (in Kakuzu's opinion).

Kakuzu felt like laughing, so he decided to see how far he could push his partner before he grew bored of it. "What do you think it means? Sure we work well together, but the clear difference in our strength is painfully obvious."

"Just because you're old as fucking dirt doesn't mean you're stronger!"

Kakuzu hadn't expected that one.

"Also, you're freaky ass stitches are kind of cheating, don't you think? If you didn't have those, you'd be just another dead ninja, forgotten by everybody. Hah, I'd be much fucking happier if you were dead."

Kakuzu felt his eyebrow twitch.

"And how is our 'difference in strength painfully obvious'? That's some bull shit! You're old ass wouldn't last ten seconds without me!"

Kakuzu felt his temple throb. The kid was going to die….again.

Hidan had another good point to touch on, but was stopped mid sentence by a fist to the face. The Jashinist was forced to the ground, landing on his back. "What the fucking hell?!"

Hidan realized with slight - very slight - worry that Kakuzu wasn't going to be doing much talking. Just beating. Kakuzu was such a bitch sometimes. "Hey, I don't beat the shit out of you every time you say something insulting! Get the fuck over it!"

Kakuzu apparently didn't hear anything Hidan had said - he was too busy grabbing Hidan and throwing him into a nearby tree.

"_Damn_ that hurt like a bitch," Hidan mumbled as he rubbed his back. He looked up to see Kakuzu's legs. "Kakuzu, seriously, this is so not…"

"Hidan," Kakuzu caught the younger man off guard by kicking him in the stomach, knocking him out cold. "Shut the fuck up."

Since Hidan was driving him mad - quite literally - Kakuzu decided it best to keep him quiet by knocking him unconscious and carrying him for a little while.

The silence was nice.

Until a familiar flash of what seemed like lightning blinded him in mid step.

"You know," the angel started somewhat darkly, "I really like you two." He paused and looked Kakuzu in the eyes. "_Don't give me a reason to change my mind._"

* * *

(Short, short, short chapter. I know this, but it was intentional. The next one, I hope, will be longer. Ha, Hidan got his revenge! Even if it was short…It may seem like I don't like Hidan all that much, but I do. And I know that the zombie brothers are arguing a lot, but I think it's funny. I hope you do too. Heh, they're about to get some…'advice'.)

(Oh, and should I change the rating? I just realized the language in here is awful. :D)


	5. Chapter 5

(Another chapter.)

Disclaimer: I don't own _Naruto_ or any of it's characters.

Kakuzu didn't like the sudden chill in the air, nor did he like the sudden death glare he was receiving from a very pissed off looking angel. The white clad creature folded it's arms across it's chest, seeming to wait for some sort of response. Well, as far as Kakuzu was concerned he hadn't one. What _could_ one say in such a situation? Sorry?

"Look," it finally said after releasing an aggravated breath. "You two need to get along. If you don't, you're going to fail, and if you fail…"

Kakuzu continued to stare at the seemingly perfectly sculpted face, expecting a lecture of some sort to flow from it's lips. Just what he needed, more bitching.

The surrounding area grew ominously dark. There was no sound, no light, nothing. It was as if all signs of life had been taken away except for the angel, himself and the unconscious Hidan. Kakuzu then realized that a mere lecture wasn't what the creature had in mind.

Suddenly, the perfect face shattered revealing the same face, but with solid black skin, red hair and matching crimson eyes. Kakuzu, to say the (very) least, was terrified. There he was, stuck in God knows where with a God knows what!

"…_You two will have to pay the consequences._" It's voice sounded distorted, like it was speaking backward and forward at the same time. The noise was completely un-nerving. The heated creature then held up it's hands, revealing a frighteningly large ball of some sort of energy. It threw it on the ground and suddenly everything was back to normal. _Including_ the angel's appearance.

Kakuzu simply stood silent, only realizing he wasn't breathing after a small wave of dizziness blurred his vision. The ninja, feeling weak, placed Hidan on the ground and tried to remain standing himself. _What the hell was that? _Just that small amount of exposure to whatever that was left Kakuzu weak and short of breath.

The angel sighed and fixed it's curly tresses with a huff, then turned it's gaze on Kakuzu. "My apologies. It's just that I get a little carried away sometimes." Kakuzu could have laughed - it was fixing it's damn hair and waving off the freaky as hell incident as if it were nothing at all. Kakuzu had never - that he could remember, at least - been so scared in all of his long years of life. Ever. That he could remember…

"Anyway," it put it's hands on it's hips and sighed. "What I'm saying is, you two need to get it together. The last thing I need is another screw up."

Kakuzu was curious as to what it meant by _another_ screw up, but decided to wait for a later date to ask. He didn't want a repeat of what had just happened.

"So, try to cut out the arguing, huh? It's unbelievably annoying." With that, the creature of 'light' disappeared in a flash. Kakuzu looked around and to his immense relief was standing in Konoha.

Kakuzu caught his breath while waiting on Hidan to wake up. After a good thirty minutes however, he grew bored. How long could someone stay unconscious?

"Hidan," Kakuzu said as he shook his partner's arm. After that didn't work, the older ninja shook harder. "Wake up."

And Hidan did - only to smash his forehead into Kakuzu's. The two cursed simultaneously and balled up as they held their throbbing heads. The pain was slightly worse for Hidan however, for Kakuzu still had on his forehead protector. Hidan glared up at the stitched ninja and growled.

"That, you bastard, was retarded." Kakuzu, at any other time, would have been furious at the statement. It was possibly the stupidest insult he had ever heard. But at that particular moment, Kakuzu started laughing. Unfortunately, it was the type of laughing that couldn't be stopped. Hidan watched in slight horror at his partner's uncharacteristic hysterics, not knowing what to do.

"Crazy mother fucker…" Hidan muttered as he continued to rub his throbbing head. He had pains all over and now he had to deal with a splitting headache? Bull shit.

Kakuzu seemed to have regained some control and had stopped laughing. The former Falls ninja sighed and rubbed his eyes with the back of one of his hands. Why was he laughing? He thought for a moment and realized he didn't really care. Why did it matter if he laughed or not? Maybe he thought Hidan was funny - in a sad way, of course. The brat had called him _retarded _of all things, so who wouldn't laugh at that?

Hidan was standing when Kakuzu looked back at the younger man. "What happened? Did I - oh." Hidan glared as Kakuzu stood. "You knocked me out! You son of a bitch!"

Kakuzu shrugged and dusted himself off. "Doesn't matter. We need to get to the Hokage's office."

"…Ok, I'll take that as an apology for now." Hidan muttered as he gently touched his ribs - they were still aching from Kakuzu's attack on them earlier. Why? Wasn't he dead? How could a dead man hurt? It was all so confusing and stupid and Hidan was getting frustrated. The moment he found that brat he was going to give him a piece of his mind, be damned that angel! Kakuzu be damned, too!

So he'd take his dissatisfaction out on Kakuzu. It was partially his fault that he was feeling so irritated, anyway. Before he could say anything however, Kakuzu surprised him.

"Are your ribs still bothering you?" The older man's tone was almost that of someone who was worried. The shocked Hidan could only stare - what was going on?

"Uh, yeah…" Hidan realized how stupid he sounded and put a glare back on his face. "No thanks to you," he added quickly.

Kakuzu sighed and crossed his arms. "Look, we're going to have to work together to do this. I just got bitched at while you were sleeping - "

"You knocked me out, ass hole."

"- so we _have_," Kakuzu glared at Hidan for interrupting before he finished, "to work together on this." Hidan glared until what Kakuzu had said sunk in.

"Bitched at? What?"

Kakuzu stepped past his younger partner and spoke as he walked. "The 'angel' returned while you were unconscious and told me to start 'getting it together'." Kakuzu frowned at the words; why was it _his_ fault? Hidan was the idiot who loved trouble.

Hidan snorted as he began walking. "Well I guess we know what that means,"

Kakuzu nodded, "Yeah, you'd better stop being so damn annoying." Hidan glared, but with amazing self control, continued on as if nothing had been said.

"It _means_ that we've got to hurry up and get this over with so that stupid angel'll get off our backs." Kakuzu sighed, rolling his eyes.

"…haven't I been saying that?"

Hidan ignored the taller man and continued walking past him toward the center of the village. "Man, this place is _huge_."

"Uh huh." Kakuzu answered. The Takigakure nin knew that Hidan was only trying to make conversation, but talking about how big Konoha was wasn't exactly something he'd like to converse about. Konoha was just…annoying. They were a very well-off nation with barely any poverty whatsoever. Of course, the ninja produced from Konohagakure were weak…

The thought of the Nine Tailed brat hitting him with that powerful jutsu zipped through Kakuzu's mind and he felt a pang of irony. Maybe Konoha wasn't so weak after all. Kakuzu quickly decided that the Nine Tailed brat was powerful, _not_ the nation of Konoha. He felt better about the whole thing already…

"Izzat all you're gonna say? _Uh huh_?" Hidan was staring at his spaced out partner. Kakuzu looked down at Hidan and shrugged.

"Yeah." And surprisingly, that's all that was said until the two arrived at the Hokage's office. The building wasn't too hard to find; strange for the leader's office to be so in plain sight.

_Weak…_ Kakuzu reminded himself. _…and possibly stupid._

The pair made their way easily into the actual office, which was luckily empty. Even though the two couldn't be seen, it would be strange to go snooping through files with people in the room. Hidan walked up to one of three filing cabinets and reached to grab the handle. "Now all we have to do is find the brat's name and…" He paused, seeming to realize something. Kakuzu struggled against the urge to sigh.

"What is it?"

Hidan pulled his hands to his head, a worried expression on his face. "I can't remember his fucking name!"

Kakuzu's eye twitched.

"Dammit!" Hidan continued to curse and carry on as Kakuzu simply stared at the younger man, hoping he hadn't heard what he thought he had just heard.

"Hidan," Kakuzu said quietly. The Jashinist stopped his ranting and peeked up at Kakuzu. After Kakuzu realized he had Hidan's attention, he continued. "I thought you never forgot a face…"

_I never forget a face kid, someday I'm gonna find you, and I'm gonna kill you!_

"I said I never forget a _face_, I didn't say anything about a _name_!"

The statement surprisingly made sense, worrying Kakuzu slightly. He sighed and began absently rubbing one of his tired shoulders. "..Let's hope there are pictures attached to the files in that cabinet."

Hidan agreed and reached for the cabinet handle again. Kakuzu closed his eyes, trying to relax as much as he could at that moment.

Before an exasperated and shocked gasp came from Hidan's side of the room. Kakuzu opened one eye, looking in Hidan's general direction. "What is it this time?"

Hidan took one of his hands and placed it on the handle of the filing cabinet only to have it fall right through as if he was touching air. Kakuzu opened both eyes.

"Seriously?"

Hidan looked Kakuzu dead in his eyes.

"_Seriously_."

(I hope you all enjoyed that chapter - I had fun writing it.)


	6. Chapter 6

Thank you who reviewed. On to chapter six! Let's see what happens to our heroic duo! (Insert evil laugh here)

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto or any of it's charcters.

"Alright," Hidan said with as much optimism as humanly possible. The light haired shinobi had, sadly, for the last two hours been trying to figure out a way to get into the filing cabinet. The Jashin worshiping man had tried actually ramming into the piece of furniture with no luck at all. Funny how he could climb up a wall but not open a filing cabinet? Bull shit. "_Dammit!_"

Hidan began throwing a fit of childish rage.

The other figure in the dark room had found a comfortable spot in the hokage's large, cushioned chair. Kakuzu looked up as he heard his partner's high-pitched cries and merely blinked at the scene before coming up with anything to say.

"Hidan," he finally said, his voice a little too hoarse for his liking. The younger man looked up with a pout on his face. Kakuzu frowned deeper than he had been. "Maybe if you would stop for a second and _think_,we could figure this out without you throwing a temper tantrum."

Hidan threw his arms over his chest as his frustrated face transformed into an angry one. "Ok, _asshole_, what do you suggest we do? I'm the only one who's actually doing something! You're sitting there in that chair, staring at the wall."

Kakuzu sighed tiredly as he rested his arms on the desk in front of him. Hidan was exhausting. "I have an idea, but you've got to let me do everything. You just watch, understand?" Kakuzu didn't even wait for Hidan to agree or not before he stood and headed for the exit. Just as he reached the doorway however, it swung open. Instinctively, the two ran for cover where ever they could find it.

It was the hokage. The two dead ninja stared in complete horror, waiting for her to spot them. But after she looked right at Hidan without so much as a blink, the two relaxed. It was hard getting used to being invisible.

"Lady Tsunade," a worried voice called from the hall. A moment later a young woman with dark hair and a small pig in her arms appeared. "Are you sure this is a good idea? I mean - "

The woman hokage held up her hand, silencing the dark haired woman. "I understand that Kurenai's baby is due in a couple of weeks, but Shikamaru is needed on the field."

"Can't you send someone else from the Nara clan?"

There was a pause, "No. Shikamaru is perfectly suited for such a risky mission. He's the only one I can trust to handle it."

Hidan gasped, causing Kakuzu to nearly jump out of his skin. Before he could regain his compusure, Hidan continued. "Kakuzu! That's the brat's name."

Kakuzu thought for a moment before speaking. "What brat?"

"The fucker we're looking for, dumb ass! The kid who killed me." Hidan growled as he stared at Kakuzu like he was crazy.

"Shit," Kakuzu said as he realized what his partner was talking about. The older of the two smirked as he recalled the two women's conversation. "So they must be talking about the woman we're looking for."

The two stopped talking and began listening intently to the conversation taking place. Maybe one of the women would reveal the woman's location?

"…dammit." Konoha's hokage cursed as she took a seat in her chair. She paused, allowing what little light in the room to make visible her slumped form. "Alright. I'll talk to Kurenai, but I _need_ Shikamaru on this mission." The dark haired woman frowned but nodded.

"When?" The small pig in the woman's arms looked up as if it knew what was being said.

Tsunade sighed heavily. "I guess I'll do it tonight."

"Hell yeah," Hidan said as he pumped his fist out in a rather childish manner. Kakuzu, who was just as excited, only smirked. They would finally find the woman and…

…what exactly were they supposed to do? Kakuzu thought back to what the angel had said and felt his smirk fade. "Oh shit…"

"What?" Hidan asked as he pulled his fist back to his side. Kakuzu looked at his partner with a horrified look in his eyes. There was no way in he himself was capable of the task ahead, but _Hidan_?

"What the fuck is wrong you crazy fucker?" Hidan almost yelled, causing Kakuzu to snap out of his horror-struck trance.

"Hidan," he began, fully grabbing the younger man's attention. "Have you had any experience with babies?"

The light headed man cocked an eyebrow. "What? No. Never."

Kakuzu figured as much. They were screwed. _Wait,_ he thought._ We won't be doing any child birthing…Konoha has a hospital._ He remembered seeing the large structure earlier when they were searching for the hokage's office. _We just have to keep it safe is all…_

Even though his thoughts made perfect sense and gave him peace of mind, there was a dark lingering in the back of the Fall nin's mind.

"What the fuck?" Hidan's loud voice jerked Kakuzu back to reality.

"Nothing." Kakuzu looked up to see the blonde woman heading for the door. "We need to go if we're going to find that woman."

It seemed to take an hour to get through the streets of the brightly lit streets. Well, it wouldn't have for the invisible duo, but for the hokage they were following it took a bit longer. Finally however, the blonde stopped at an apartment complex.

"Thank Jashin-sama!" Hidan said over dramatically. "That took for fucking ever." Kakuzu ignored his partner as the woman knocked on the door.

A few moments later it opened. The two criminals waited until a raven haired woman stepped into the door way, holding her swollen abdomen. Her bright red eyes were locked to her visitor. "Good evening, lady Tsunade. What brings you here?"

Tsunade smiled sadly as she asked to come inside. When the two women disappeared inside the dwelling, Hidan jabbed Kakuzu in the shoulder.

"That's the woman, right?" Kakuzu gave his partner a look indicating that he was stupid.

"I'm assuming so."

"Alright…now what?" Hidan's words only aggravated Kakuzu. How was he supposed to know? He didn't know everything.

"I don't know. Let's start by going inside." The two awkwardly stepped _through_ the door. After a few moments of listening to the women's boring conversation, Hidan spoke up once again.

"She's kinda scary lookin'." Kakuzu slowly turned to his partner.

This was going to be longest two weeks of Kakuzu's life - afterlife, what the hell ever…

(Finally! Now the real fun begins!…of course, only when I can get to my computer again…)


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